Shame and the portal that is your self esteem.

Shame does not come loudly, shame does not look at you in the eyes and forcefully make her way into your body. Shame is invited in by the portal that is your self esteem. The lower it is, as shame enters the more room she will take. Shame will not yell or thump around, make noise in the home that is your mind & body, shame will whisper “maybe you are simply not good enough to be seen". Every time you try do something great. Though the true perpetrator, only hidden- is fear, pulling strings that attract an inner isolation. Desolating from who we think we are. Fraudulently living, like fitting into a pair of jeans 3 sizes up, how could we ever walk, better yet-run. Shame is invited in when unworthiness is born, to feel capable you feel full, no emptiness to be replaced with unproductive fear.

I think we all need to find our own ways to put our emptiness to use. to fill ourselves up. (suggestion) I believe, there is a deeply rooted fear. A fear of being seen after being a ghost all your life. What would we do? Would we know what to do? A fear of the unknown, a disbelief in our capabilities to deal with something different, perhaps our incapabilities too, “How will I ever make up for my incompetence”. We are too hard on ourselves. Though no matter how hard working everyone else seems to be in this society, we make mistakes, and keep going and so, it is perceived that as long as you make up for your mistakes, Things will be okay. However the only person you should be making up your mistakes to is yourself. We have too much to prove before we reflect upon ourselves.. “Is this what I want to be doing” “Am I truly doing this for myself”. Shame settles in frantically when our bodies sense that we are doing something in an undesirable way to others. We can never be in touch with ourselves when our shame is derived from exterior expectations. I hope our shame tells us more about ourselves.

Beneath all the layers we coat on top of our bare skin we believe that our true selves are not desirable enough or lovable enough but that could not be further from the truth. Perhaps shame is the very darkness that blinds us from seeing light, but even too much light will make us blind, and so, comes a balance.

the balance

When normal, human, emotions meets understanding that we need to cultivate patience for self and self acceptance. How do strengthen our self esteem in simple steps? a question that by simply repeating out loud, we are declaring a love and appreciation for ourselves, wanting to do better, questioning ourselves and our environment. Questioning our environment, even when we are surrounded by people we swear that we love. Questioning ourselves and the efforts we make to acknowledge and recognise all the hard work we do everyday. Understanding that productivity and self worth do not go hand in hand, so if you would rather take a nice bath and read a book, save the laundry for later.. that is okay. Processing emotions with little to no extra thoughts about why they have come to visit us, or when they will leave. When we question the motives of our emotions, we invite unnecessary shame and guilt in for perhaps feeling them at the wrong times. Dedicating time to growth. Whether emotional, intellectual, spiritual or physical, we need to take care of ourselves. Acknowledge the shame and let it pass, it is not here to stick around.