Shallows past II

The boy grew up trying to be strong suffering alone on his own.

He'd be sent into the yard to play

and sometimes we'd be

out there all day long.

Then we'd come in

for dinner and pray.

If I didn't eat the one meal

we'd recieve that day

then I'd get punished it

consisted of 14 lashes

quite a beating if I'd

surely say so.

He always aimed low

going for the legs

enjoying it when I'd beg

for him to stop.

He'd make me strip

naked as I'd stair

down at my toes

receiving each and every blow

as I'd quiver in pain

Water flowed from my face

but it was never rain

I didn't know what it meant

but I'd start praying.

Why would he do this to me?

but no answer was heard

when the beating ended

I'd return to my room

Long winded I couldn't

Breathe the tears wouldn't

Let me see my own creams

Covered my ears in darkness

I layed falling prey to my fears

Suicidal at 6 and I

was still a child

when the week started

I felt so free

so I acted wild

and tried to be funny

so other kids

atleast smiled.

Most at that age

didn't know the miles

I walked let alone

a single step.

On the weekend I'd hide

under my bed holding my breath.

Hoping he never walked in.

His own kid feared him

and each and everything he did.

Most at my age were living

while I was surviving.

Threats of waking up dying

It's a miracle I never lost

All my tears crying.

As a kid I didn't know

who I could trust so

I hid the scars to not be noticed.

In class I couldn't even focus

I was hopeless

not knowing who loved me

I'd pray to my God above me

Wishing for change

but weekend nights

that familiar sting

left me deranged.

All the kids at school

just thought I was strange.

As I hid the stripes

the evidence of my pain.

But it was never the

physicality or fights

that hurt me the most

it was the "I will kill you's"

the hatred I loathed.

It was the me wishing for love

while trying to hang on

but it seemed each

and every ideology

of mine was wrong.

-Shalløw