Season of Cold

Breathing heavily in and out processing the events of the last few months. I close my eyes and imagine a warm embrace of the sun and the arms of a loved one who is no longer here. My breath visible to the naked eye as I stand embracing the snowfall on my face. Each snowflake touches my skin, reminding me of the time we turned snowfall into a playground. The cold air cuts through my jacket sending shivers down my spine as the sun peers through the clouds, reminding me that winter has arrived and I am alone.

I take a step forward, knowing your watching every step from afar. Feeling your warmth in my heart keeps me pushing for more in an endless embrace of motivation and innovation. Creativity is what drew you to me, Resourcefulness is what intrigued you, love is what kept you coming back. I dream of the days we spent together and the life we had. In a relationship without the title, in a life without reality. Shredding my hopes while I fear my dreams.

Now you stand there in a void. A void of my past, my mistakes, my anger, my confusion. I beg for the snow to stop and the sun to warm my world but its no longer in reach. The feeling of dread and loneliness and yet I feel stronger. Stronger knowing you were there, knowing you had guided me, knowing you kept me pure. The darkness you traveled felt more and more real yet you shielded me from the pain. Why?

Grasping for straws and strings better left fray yet I knew there was a better end. To the torment and pain of your addictions and lies, to the on going depression and mood swings, I knew there was an ending just not in this way. And in the end the snow fell and the sun was taken from this winter day. Will there be spring flowers again? Can a summer sun shine in the way you did? Can there be a warmth like yours?

I will wait, as I always have, for the time my eyes meet yours again. For the moment the cold fades and your warmth touches my skin again. I will embrace that moment and forever relish the triumph of life and death. For in this moment we will be free.