Rocking in Awakeness

'What ifs' are the sheets I choke on at night.

They Knott around my tongue,

And pull tight,

Till sand pours from the mini muscle.

These waves of questions, forever lapping at the shores of my bedside.

I lay on its beaches,

Unable to be lured to sleep.

Self-reprimandation is the caffeine I drink at 3:30 am

and by 5

I'm surfing the waves of mistakes I've made over the last few days,

and every hour stacks years into the currents.

But I'm pulled under by the tidal waves of

'what's wrong with me'

until I drown in the slumber of my tears.