Resentment

Sitting here thinking of how many times I was treated poorly. Thinking of how many times I trusted, how many times my heart always thought louder than my mind. All the time that has gone to waste, all the money spent. The tears cried, the long deep breathes. The amount of hours, days, years my heart yearned for you only to be blindsided.

Resentment from time to time, if I really sit here and get into my own head and think about everything I will resent you. I try to be this uncaring unforgiving person, but it’s not who I am. But once I’m alone in my room with my thoughts I resent you. All the bullshit that came out your mouth when I should of believed actions instead of words. All the “ I love you’s “ because you knew I loved you too. Resentment starts to set in once again.

I look in the mirror and see that stupid naive girl who was a fool. I stare at her and say “ how could you be so stupid “. Then I think about you, and say it’s all your fault. I am not the bad things that people do to me. But I resent you for ever making me feel like I was.

My resentment comes and goes one day I’m fine the next I hate you. Maybe I hate you but I don’t know how to say it out loud. Because at the end of the day how can you love someone who’s brought out the worse in you.