Pondering

Around the time that I

Began to find the

Core meaning of who I am,

Doubt crept in and

Ended my plans.

Finding myself has been

Grating on my nerves,

Harassing my reserves,

Igniting my unseen fears.

Just the idea of

Kindly getting to know myself is

Like

Mixing oil and water.

Never like having to

Open my heart to myself, like

Putting pain to the notion of

Questioning myself.

Reflecting has been

Something I've hated.

The worst of me comes out

Until I'm

Voraciously overcome

With a familiar sickly

Xanthic feeling. Then,

Yesterday, I was filled with only

Zen.