Poetic Psychosis

I was lost

in midst of an abyss

of self hatred that I created

I was sedated by rage and overtaken by pain

and the worst thing is that it was all self made

I was a heavily medicated monster in the making

and I was faded and I was fading

and patiently waiting for a spark, for a purpose

Hashem give me something

because I juggled with struggle

again and against all these shattered pieces of heaven

and I was troubled, my anxiety doubled

like the voices I call friends

or the misery that lead me to these words and this pen

but I want to be free again

leveled and settled, not in prison in my own head

but I need your help

can't you tell I'm at war with myself?

can't you see that I've been beaten, I've been bruised

I've been cheated, I've been used

how could everyone see it but you?

if only you knew, if only they knew

the efforts I went to

to conceal these wounds

because I was reduced, far removed

consumed in my solitude

but a light shined through, I thought it was you

but I was 6 screams deep, and 6 feet under

because I started to remember these memories

mind slipping, so I got down on my knees

praying lord give me shelter

never let me falter

I just need some comfort

in turning these losses to victories

And so I plea, beneath circling vultures

underneath my pressures, I turned to desperate measures

and I'm strutting these rough paths

but in the past all they ever did

was lead me to rough drafts of suicide letters

but there's a message in this bottle

and it says that things get better

so with my feet together, shuckling

I said please my creator

save me from open waters

I'm searching for my piece of peace

with my heart in the east

with this angel and devil on my shoulders

I duck my head, hoping they shoot each other

and the vultures find another

because I'm at the edge of my composure

Its a rut, I make a fuss

spit out these white pills because in truth

I really love the rush

but still I build walls, and burn bridges

but from the ashes I grew roses

and made a garden from psychosis

raised a forest from my diagnosis

my illness, my prognosis

my gift, my curse

I paint a mosaic with words

My screams, they turn to bad dreams

motifs and rhymes to hide and disguise in melodies

I spent my teens taking heat

because I thought I wasn't good enough

to chase my dreams

for a college degree

my fears and tears were my puppeteers

can you see my strings?

can you hear my screams?

they're why I sing

G-d are you there?

please oh please I have to believe someone hears

hear my plea

spare my please

because this caged bird sings

and so bold

my heart flies

I want to flap my wings

because I turned straw into gold