Soon I’ll be walking to receive an award that commemorates four years of hard work,
Four years what soon, sadly, will mean nothing to me,
But to them it seems to mean I’ll find a purpose,
While I know it just means I spent four years stressing over a piece of paper.
I did enjoy my time here, I did smile amongst the pain,
But it was forced on me with no real goal at the end of line.
I fear that someone will say that it was for nothing,
That I have fail to bring glory to my immigrant surname.
I’m allowed to be distant these days, the ceremony approaches,
And I have yet to make my mind about what I will do when I step down with that shiny paper,
Still lost in the realm of adulthood that I am expected to understand,
Yet I feel like they are too as they seek something in me they fail to find in themselves.
A puppet, that’s what it seems I’ve been for those four years,
My promised success disguised in amber while it had been just coal.
The moment I grab that paper I will smile the fakest yet brightest smile,
But I cannot ignore that amongst my bitter thoughts I find relief, because, damn, I made it.
About the Creator
Daniela Anmen
Brand new adult. You'll read my thoughts through my shabby writing. It’s pretty random.
*My first novel, “Dreams of Dawn” is currently available on Kindle.
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Bleak
There are moments in this life where we might feel lost, everything is pitch black. There's a hint of light, sure, but it isn't enough sometimes to be comforting. It's worse when you don't know why it turned dark. Why there was warmth and then it was freezing. We think we have it, we think things will get easier, but suddenly it all starts to blend together...things feel different. We try to hold on, hold onto the things we were hoping will move us forward because it once promised us that. But then it's crumbling in our grip, we look as it all just falls, almost like a domino effect...and with it goes our joy. The smiles drop faster, it hurts to keep them longer. Music doesn't feel like it understands us anymore, our hobbies feel more like a chore. But we try to keep looking at that faint bright light where we came from, try to keep our eyes there to make sure we don't take notice of the darkness that frames it. We're not ready to accept defeat...not yet...we don't want to be tempted. But then we can't do it anymore, the time has come. We can't hold our eyes on that once warm light, it's too much, so turn to look at the borders that frame such a light..and there's nothing. The bleakness is oddly bright...it hurts more than the light did because we've been here before and we know what awaits us; it's like getting on that ride that scares us every time. Are we masochists? We're back in that cold space, our eyes seeking to find a point where our eyes can ground themselves, but there's nothing, only a faint sting, and heaviness to them. This hurts more than the bright light did, but that light too will harm us, we can't take it for too long before wanting to retreat to darkness, almost longing for it when we are on the light for too long. We wonder what triggered this event, but we know there is no tracing it back. We don't have the energy to even look for the hints, really. We just tell ourselves that good things fall apart; accept it. Not like it brings us any peace though. Nothing does. There's no peace when that void takes over us, swallow us. At one point even the bright light will be swallowed too. Will it be too late then? We barely made it out again, we were barely able to find that light before. Will it be there again? Will it hurt again?
By Daniela Anmen2 years ago in Poets
$#*£ Resilience
I was going to relax this evening. Tune out, hunker down, look after myself. I need it. I am exhausted. Thoroughly used up. And it's only Wednesday. Not even half way through the week. A week that in the UK, is Mental Health Awareness week. I don't know who decides these things, who gets to co-opt a day, a week, a month, and declare it a thing about a thing. But I do know a lot about mental health. I know a lot about mental health AND I know a lot about working for the UK's National Health Service. And so it was with interest that I clicked play on the below video, earlier today. By the time I finished, I was in tears.
By Hannah Moore3 days ago in Psyche
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