Poem: "Dearest Ex"

Dearest Ex,

I feel as though

you had been plucked from the stars

and from them, they saw in me

some kind of great promise

that didn't have the heart to fulfill.

How lucky could I have been

to know that all my actions

had once led me through you

What an honor it was to argue with you

on days where our choices had broken the peace

and to be considered the worthy opponent.

Or on nights where the bourbon we shared

is nothing compared to the warmth I felt

when I believed I had a future with you

beautiful enough to sober me up

when I had smoked my dreams

to ashes.

The first night I slept without you

felt like driving 90 on the cliffside

angry enough to veer off the edge

and too scared to keep it together.

I am miserable.

I hope I can go one day

and not accidentally think of you

and get on with my life

but I'm not enjoying it.

I am out of control.

Some part of me hates myself

because I told myself to be careful.

I even saw the signs

but I was in denial.

I have seen this before.

But despite all of this

I am warm enough to be thankful for you

and to tell myself the next time I see signs

to be a lot wiser this time around.

At least my "next time" isn't with you.