This pill is for anxiety.
Another pill to stabilize my “mood”.
Yet another to manage bipolar mania.
And still, another to help me sleep.
These pills are given to me, supposedly to help me.
Do you know who it helps?
Everyone else.
Who is it that my pills are genuinely meant to help?
I am better to deal with, for other people.
I am easier to be around, for other people.
I am managed, for other people.
I am quieted, for other people.
I am calm, for other people.
And you know what my pills leave me with?
Numbness. No emotions. No passion. No motivation.
They drain my creativity, dull my emotions, and silence my voice.
And at night, they take away my dreams.
But at least the storm is not raging anymore.
The wildfires in my brain are quelled.
So I will be compliant and take my pills for everyone else.
About the Creator
J. Delaney-Howe
Bipolar poet. Father. Grandfather. Husband. Gay man. I write poetry, prose, some fiction and a good bit about family. Thank you for stopping by.
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Comments (3)
“For everyone else”. Eye opening. 🥰
It’s so sad that medication that is meant to help you takes so much away from you. I hope that better options will become available as soon as possible.
This one hit me hard. I give my mom three pills daily. One for anxiety, one for major depressive disorder, and one for obsessive compulsive disorder. I hate giving her the pills because I do see how they affect her. She sleeps quite a bit and should be very quiet oftentimes. Sometimes though her personality does perk up even when she's on the pills and she does have a good time it's kind of like a 50/50. But I hate giving her the pills. Although I do give them to her because I've seen what happens to her one she doesn't take the pills. She will go on a manic episode for 30 even after 40 hours just non-stop manic behavior and it is unmanageable for me and makes me very tense. But I can only imagine what it does to my mom. Once the manic episode ends she looks so tired and so worn out and all she can do is fall on her bed and pass out and then she sleeps for maybe 20-25 hours. I guess it's kind of like a choice of the lesser of two evils. I wish you the best on your journey. I know it's a tough road but hang in there.