Paper Girl

i chose the pink dinosaur

i loved new outfits

i was me, not puberty

i adored shine, stars, glamour

i felt special until i was not

i smiled from ear to ear

never thinking about me

in the way prepubescent teens do

i had my new shoes thrown in the toilet

in school, i was not just brown, but hated

i wanted to be seen for the person my mother loved

but no one could feel the torment i lived

other than my mom, my favourite meal maker

in a body of hated appendages, i flailed like a suffering fish

my mind, my heart, my truth was skinned and readied

like a trout, i was put on a grill

flames would decide my fate

i am not prepared for the new menu

for starters, i don't want to be killed

waiting to be seen as no one interesting

to be seen as a brown, woman happening by

to not be feared or a target of hate

to love and be loved

i am learning it may be too much to ask

from this callous world

i was born homeless

mother says i was a gift to her empty womb

her longing heart embraces me still

yet now i can't understand

in any godforsaken way

why

why or how can i fill someone else's dreams

if i can't fulfil my own

i am a paper girl

wrapped in nutmeg skin

sitting at the bus stop

waiting

waiting for someone to unravel me

embrace me with wanting arms

to see me with a smile in their eyes

when the bus pulls up, i board

looking for a seat, i feel their stares

i pull my hoodie closer to my face

so that my tears leave no trace

i am a paper girl