i chose the pink dinosaur
i loved new outfits
i was me, not puberty
i adored shine, stars, glamour
i felt special until i was not
i smiled from ear to ear
never thinking about me
in the way prepubescent teens do
i had my new shoes thrown in the toilet
in school, i was not just brown, but hated
i wanted to be seen for the person my mother loved
but no one could feel the torment i lived
other than my mom, my favourite meal maker
in a body of hated appendages, i flailed like a suffering fish
my mind, my heart, my truth was skinned and readied
like a trout, i was put on a grill
flames would decide my fate
i am not prepared for the new menu
for starters, i don't want to be killed
waiting to be seen as no one interesting
to be seen as a brown, woman happening by
to not be feared or a target of hate
to love and be loved
i am learning it may be too much to ask
from this callous world
i was born homeless
mother says i was a gift to her empty womb
her longing heart embraces me still
yet now i can't understand
in any godforsaken way
why
why or how can i fill someone else's dreams
if i can't fulfil my own
i am a paper girl
wrapped in nutmeg skin
sitting at the bus stop
waiting
waiting for someone to unravel me
embrace me with wanting arms
to see me with a smile in their eyes
when the bus pulls up, i board
looking for a seat, i feel their stares
i pull my hoodie closer to my face
so that my tears leave no trace
i am a paper girl
Comments (5)
What was it that inspired you to write this?
This was visceral, poignant, and laced with so many powerful messages.
If someone throws my new shoes in a toilet!!!!!! What a waste young bullies make of their lives. They grow up to be the narcissists in relationships, causing even more harm. A never ending cycle. Great to see the strong victor you are now. Take that bully.
Gosh this made me so emotional. Such a poignant poem!
Heartbreaking but beautifully written. I'm sorry you went through that