Opposite Day

My toaster wants to be a microwave

My microwave wants to an oven/range

My dishwasher is dancing a jig and acting truly strange

...

The coffee maker is percolating ice cream

While the freezer spits out hail

And I'm pretty sure my lettuce just morphed into kale

...

While my dog is using the litterbox

My cat just darted past, a mouse in hot pursuit

By the way, my chihuahua is looking quite hirsute

...

My daughter wants to play football

While my son is taking ballet

The last would be fine if he wasn't pirouetting on a sleigh

...

I fix a cup of hot ice cream

Sweetened by stirring in some fudge

Wondering if my dryer is holding on me a grudge

...

My dryer sheets are floating in the wind

My socks are linty, my whites flourescent pink

I hope the alcohol is still beneath the sink

...

My wife told me it was going to be opposite day

And to expect things to be weird

Still this is all something, I think, to be feared

...

I stumble back to the bedroom

Now a closet strewn with hangers

I crawl beneath hanging clothes to find a couple strangers

...

I offered them hot fudge coffee

Which they took with polite thanks

Before stabbing each other with dull prison shanks

...

Now the cops are here

My house a bloody crime scene

No more opposite day, this is all quite obscene