Notes From Overseas

I refuse to stand in the way of her future.

She is in pursuit of her best self. A noble pursuit.

She follows a path meant to serve and protect,

But I fear for her own protection.

She is safe where she is now.

But that is only training, soon her life

will be in the hands of her sisters in arms.

My gut folds into origami at this notion

Fear grips me every moment.

I am in desperate need of something

anything to chase the worry from my mind.

Her first letter eases my tremble.

“tell me what songs get stuck in your head”

She needs a distraction too.

She needs a distraction too.

I can only imagine the struggles she faces.

I say, do you remember the shade of the oak in your lawn

that saved our entangled legs from baking in the summer?

That is the song stuck in my head.

People will say that it was only a fling;

you can’t love something so deeply so quickly.

Would it sound cheesy if I said I loved instantly?

They say love at first sight is a fallacy.

Maybe she believes that too.

Inside the envelope flap is written

“you mean the world to me”

A small spark becomes a forest fire.

I have more love than I deserve.

I have more love than I deserve.

None of it comes from me.

I think, my thoughts are a dandelion.

They want so badly to be a flower,

small rays of sun popping up. Reaching

and trying to look pretty. But unfortunately,

there is no place for yellow in a sea of green.

Basically, my thoughts are weeds. Nuisances. Menaces.

I broke my hand punching the mirror.

The cracked image somehow looked better.

Her words have never been better timed.

“do you still feel beautiful? I hope so.”

I make a wish on the seeds of that thought.

Maybe tomorrow will be easier than today.

Maybe tomorrow will be easier than today.

Maybe tomorrow the tv will say something shocking.

Something like “world peace achieved”

or “every politician suddenly falls mute”

But today I sit on this couch with concrete limbs

waiting patiently for the screen’s mood to change.

What it says is “Breaking News: More Political Corruption”

What I hear is “You’re helpless. It’s hopeless”

The chime of 12am makes no difference.

I decide time is by far the worst human construct;

now I count time by the letter

“tell me what inspires you”

I say “You do” to the empty room.

The man on the news says we’ve bombed another country.

The man on the news says that we’ve bombed another country.

“we had to” they lie.

With violence comes retaliation comes retaliation comes retaliation

A never ending spiral down.

A memorial for a fallen soldier flashes across social media.

Thousands more hide behind the screen.

Men and women dying for unknown politics.

The man in the movie says

“that is what soldiers do”

The world is too cold and cruel.

Another letter arrived in my box today

“I am grateful to be alive. I hope more than anything that you are too”

I smile. She thaws my views.

There is still light in this world.

There is still light in this world.

This is a lie I tell myself each night

when I stare up at the dark blanket covering the sky.

It’s lonely here without her.

A hole the size of the sun is missing from my chest

and my memories fade with every passing day.

Compared to a lifetime, a few months isn’t long,

but I miss her every moment she’s away.

Colors have lost their luster, everything has greyed.

Above me is a sky as heavy as a slate.

But then I read her line to me.

“The stars are bright here.

I always wake up at 4am and look for the moon”

Suddenly, everything is okay.

Suddenly, everything is okay.

Today I chose to wear bright blue instead of black.

Somewhere a human mourns the loss of their Love;

I shall not mourn that which is not gone.

She grows stronger with every day, rising

with the sun and grasping at a better life.

It is required that I do the same. I will not lie down

stomach to the sky and surrender, when life gets hard.

The winds whisper encouraging words

And it almost sounds like her voice.

Her words play a melody on the strings of my heart

“I ache to remind you I love you.”

The need to pull her back resurfaces with vigor, but

I refuse to stand in the way of her future.