Nightmares Before Xmess

The only time I see you now

is in my nightmares

*

I wake up screaming

then sighing in relief

Waking up to this reality

relieved that it was all just

a hard walk through a dream

*

I've been pitied through

the holiday season

without a mother to call

without a family to gather

*

But with the loss of my mother

after cutting ties with my family

I found something invaluable

*

I unwrapped something

you cannot buy discounted

on Black Friday

*

Something you cannot purchase

at any retail store

*

Something you cannot

tie with a ribbon

or decorate with bows

*

I have peace beyond

an image that is framed

on family Christmas cards

*

I have joy beyond

an atmosphere created

by glittering tinsel hanging

on Christmas trees

*

They pity me in my solitude

Stressfully traveling distances

to be in the arms of their families

*

I hold my head high as I drive

through the lights of Christmas eve

with a member of my chosen family

knowing as hard as it is sometimes

I did the right thing

*

I have solace in knowing

that to have a peaceful life

to have a healthy family

I had to leave

the one I was born into behind

to create my dream family

*

One I create everyday on my journey

with kids I will create one day

and love more than anything

once I have fully healed

*

I ask those who don't understand

pity me not

for I am free