Always on the road, sloughing off the remains of
Bethlehem behind me. It was there I bore the
Child. It was there I ascended
Divine, with blood and hay beneath me,
Even as the star grew brighter. Who did I do this
For? And who did it to me, filled me with a
Grim determination to save a people who didn't ask for
Help.
//
I held him in my womb, my arms, my lap. My
Jesus, for whom they offered gold, then silver, as if it were an even trade. I
Kissed his brow first. I screamed into the sky with lowing cows and
Licked salt from his face on that horrid, skull-filled
Mountain, and then the book moved on. Oh, they sing my
Name in vaulted places. They praise the canal that
Opened for God. But few have asked for what I
Prayed, when swollen with questions, I walked away.
//
Queen of sorrows. Queen of
Regrets, forgotten in the
Sand. Even my son, when he left his
Tomb, did not come to soothe me. I, the
Unwed Mother, of whom was asked so much. I, the
Virgin spoiled by grace, just a vessel
Wrought in marble at my lowest. Never to become a crone.
//
Xanthic skin, lost in paint that washed away. I wish
You would remember me as I was: a woman who reached the
Zenith long before her walk was done.
About the Creator
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Easy to read and follow
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Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
Comments (17)
This was a brilliant, thought-provoking, emotional read. My favourite line would be “for whom they offered gold, then silver, as if it were an even trade”, because its subtle enough to miss, but is such a great comparison of the two moments at the birth and death of Jesus, and I’ve never thought about it that way before! Love how you took a familiar story and created a new narrative. Amazing 👏
You tell an interesting story.
This is excellent! Your writing is precise in its ability to give a message that has the ability to evoke strong feelings. I'm so happy that I stumbled upon this.
Awesome!!!💕♥️♥️
😱 That was phenomenal! Congrats on your Honorable Mention!
Mary endured...
Powerful insights into one we normally picture in beatific blue with a halo over her head & tender love in her eyes, but whose life was hard & heart was crushed.
This is so beautiful and powerful. I especially love “Xanthic skin, lost in paint that washed away.” People don’t often bother to think of Mary’s perspective, and I think that’s a shame. Well done.
Gosh, this was so intense and poignant! It had a smooth flow to it! Loved your poem!
This was lovely. I almost used Zenith for mine but found a better fitting word
This is great. Has almost a rap like flow, way I read it. <3
I’m not religious at all Suze, but I still felt beauty of this poem. So well done, you made the challenge look easy
Oh my. Full marks. So good, the constraints feel like underscores.
Just perfect. Beautifully crafted and I love the chosen point of view 🤍
Ih my, that was amazing. Well done.
I love it. The bit that sticks is that anyone could be "spoilt" by grace (love, sex, becoming a mother). It's jarring to me, and I'm not sure if I like it, but I'm also completely sure you intended that discomfort and I can only tip my hat to how cleverly you wrought it, with a surgeon's precision 😁
great poem