Malicious

God, you were a mean mother fucker,

But I loved you so generously, so effortlessly.

I craved your pain, anger and alcoholism,

Craved it so badly I let you infect me with

Your poison, your deep rooted pessimism

That rotted my heart from the inside out.

My self esteem and self worth were so sparse

That instead of ruining my life myself,

I wanted someone else to do it for me.

I wanted you to do my dirty work, I wanted

You to rip me apart from my heart to my soul.

And you did, you did it just as effortlessly as

I did loving you with stars in my eyes.

I still remember the shape of your lips

From every time you called me ‘stupid.’

You were always right, I was stupid,

And you were just waiting for me to wake up

From the nightmare that is your love.

Two years later and sometimes I can still

Hear your voice telling me how pathetic I am.