Love Lost, Longing

I STARE.

I don't mean to,

but I long for what they have.

A cold shudder runs down my back as I watch them embrace

I feel the emptiness

It's been a long time since I've been touched

I feel every accidental graze in a crowd like it's intentional

It lasts longer than it should. Like a memory that's not mine implanted in my skin.

I BLINK.

It's a heavy, slow blink, and I take an equally slow breath.

Steadying myself.

I know what's coming or what will come if I don't fight it.

I avert my gaze, but their laughter rumbles through the wind and rattles the drum of my ears.

I felt that a little too much.

I hear their lips touch and stand with a startle, no longer in control of my legs.

I walk in the opposite direction and point straight toward another couple.

He whispers something in her ear, and she giggles. Her head swings back, and her eyes lift to meet his. Lips curling with affection.

My stomach shrinks.

My insides knotting together like my organs are hugging themselves.

I quicken my step, hurrying to expel myself from their romantic notion.

Happiness has become a poison.

Old couples make my heart swell. Young couples make it break, and everyone else extricates it from my chest.

It floats around in the distance. Out of reach somewhere.

I don't mean to stare.

But I see it there behind them (cuddling, smiling), breaking.

Little pieces of me scattered.

They take my love with them. Robbing me of hope, leaving me empty.

I still can't help but stare.

The hole in my chest longs for something.

Something I can't find to give it.

I've searched everywhere and seen it everywhere but here...

I look down and try not to cry.

I hold my hand over my empty chest and take a long, deep breath until my feet can carry me away.

Not today, I say.

"I'm going to be okay," but my thoughts betray my ears.

My eyes flick back for one last longing.

She smiles in my direction, and I die a little more.

At least I've stopped staring... I dare not lift my eyes. I only long to close them.

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© Simon George 2024. All Rights Reserved.

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