Love and Solitude

The empty spaces began to hurt, but I’m not afraid — not anymore, because

time has been twisted into the magic in which I am now blissfully suspended.

Nobody knows exactly where my feelings for you began or when they will end.

All I know is that self-reliance was the glue that has held my life together for so long.

And now it is simply not enough to compensate for your absence.

I am buried, swallowed by this avalanche of my feelings for you.

I’ve always said that I didn’t need anything to hold onto, yet here I am.

My heart is filled with so much longing for you that I wonder if I am hallucinating.

I don’t remember signing up for this harsh experiment where

they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and yet

I cling onto my memories of you like they were rays of light kissing my face.

What you don’t know, is that I am a scientist,

I discover the meaning of life through observing your reactions and responses

to mine —

And without you here, it’s almost as if I have no data.

But the worst part of this whole thing is that not even time can take me back to when

I didn’t love you.

And I can’t figure out if this is even real, but

the thought of forgetting you gives me heartache...

But maybe that’s exactly what time is supposed to do to hurt us so much that we are bound to change.

I don’t know where I’d be if not for these self-inflicted memories of you.

Then, it all comes crashing down with one simple question:

How can we let go of things that were never, never, never ours?

— by Irina Patterson December 31, 2021

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Thank you for reading, my other stories are here.