Love a little bit less

How do you experience love?

Is it a warmness in your belly before a good meal,

A surge of light in your heartspace for a loved one?

Or maybe it is in your brain?

(I like brains. They make me randy) -

Do you sometimes feel like you love too much, that

In turn you hurt far greater..

Maybe if we loved a little less,

A dog, a pet, a partner, wife or husband or family member

The discord would not be so painful?

That the hurt or damages caused would be far less severe.

Maybe I love too much,

Maybe I care so deeply with the fibres of my mind and heart,

The very cells in my body alight,

That when there is hurt (sometimes ongoing) or loss, or death

I feel IT too much.

A wave overwhelms, sometimes suddenly

Washing me away,

I try to get back, but I care too damn much -I’m powerless.

This is counterintuitive - yet how do you fight your grain?

Perhaps, I adore the attachments to the past.

Sometimes, now, I close myself off from love in all its forms,

Shut myself away in box so I can’t hurt any longer - of course I do -

I miss all the signs and opportunities as these walls built around

State that “I’m unloved” and “unlovable” -

I believe these as I am their creator.

The unlovable unable to express the overflowing love I have.

Do you know what this feels like sometimes, too?

If I do not take risks, then I can’t be hurt or hurt others (is the rationale)

Yet in the long term I’m doing myself irreparable damage.

Maybe I need to stop cutting cords.

Maybe I need to cut cords.

Maybe I need to use my blasted voice,

Maybe not everyone knows what I’m thinking or how I feel, as

when the words TUMBLE out,

they are all in the wrong order.

To get things in order is very important. There is a certain way things should be and there’s a certain right time for things to occur - ha.

Maybe if I loved a little bit less it would be a blessing.

How can it be that to love is a curse!?