Limerick(s) of the Week

Awash in acetaldehyde

From fermented spirits imbibed

My vasopressin's crashed

And I'm quite unabashed

To piss life away bleary-eyed

***

My liver has of late complained

That its function can't be maintained

By flooding it with liquor

That just makes it sicker

Until my eyes are pallid, yellow-stained

***

I'm by no means a chick magnet

And won't get better looking, abstinent

But after a few

And a few more, too

I'm the best lookin' guy on the planet

***

My glomerular filtration rate

Is off the scales and won't abate

My A1C

Is too high to see

I wake up with two chicks and a headache

***

"I'll never drink again,"

Says the man with regrets when he's sane

But that man just can't be

A man who's tonight's me

Tomorrow I switch au champagne