Liané

When you have spent your life hiding apart of yourself from a society that is sickened by disparity you become self-burdening

but the possibility of disapproval is so terrifying that you cannot help but to submit to the urge of conforming to the moulds of a society that is incapable of tolerating your existence

and so, I prayed to the god that I love yet is said to not love me “Father let me be normal “let me fit in”

amen

I remember the first time I realised my family would not be at my wedding because no god of theirs could accede my sacred vows but their god is my god right? And he is said to love all so why does “all” exclude me?

You see my religion had convinced me that my sexuality was the problem and not your homophobia I had taught myself to stay silent in the face of your intolerance in fear of offending you because god did not give me breath to breathe while loving someone of the same sexual orientation yet he gave you yours to be a dick right?

I was trapped in a vault of internalised hatred that my religion had created the paranoia of excommunication had become an obsession so much so that the stories of my wondering mind, oozing with so much authenticity, had become more real to me than reality itself

But when I broke under the weight of my self-inflicted isolation the silence I had let myself drown in was interrupted by my sacrificial confession and suddenly I was able to introduce a new part of me that had always existed but previously was previously contained in the closet that I had locked myself into

Within a moment the weight that I had carried for so long, turned to dust and in its place grew a sacred garden of self-love and admiration

I had been holding my breath my entire life and now I finally had the courage to breathe