Lessons From the Grave

I’ve had you on my mind a lot lately. I mean I think of you daily but the thoughts have been way more frequent as of lately.

It could be that Mother’s Day just past or your birthday is coming up, those reasons are logical. Though, I feel it’s a bit deeper than that. I really just wish you were here. I want to share all of my fears with you and I want a hug, a hug that only a mother can give. I want to lay on your lap and as you rub my face, you simultaneously tell me that it’s going to be ok and even when you feel it’s not, it still is.

When you passed I was just a kid about to embark on my teenage years. It’s been about 27 years. I needed you, I need you now. I’m grateful for the lessons I took from it all, however hard, still lessons nonetheless.

I probably gave you a hard time as a kid. I’m stubborn and hardheaded as hell, still is (lol). I apologize for that. Dad gets it all now. We bump heads all the time but he tries which I truly appreciate. It’s probably because we’re so much alike if I’m being honest.

I often wonder what life would be like if you were here. How close would we be? Would you and dad have worked things out? I’m typically a strong believer in things happening for a reason but the “what if’s” come up ever now and then. Less frequent then when I was younger.

I’m scared ma. I have great opportunities but I have fears ma. Sometimes my anxiety consumes me to the point of self destruction or solitude.

Not many ppl know. I’m afraid. But I’m going to do it anyway and make you proud. Make me proud.

You’re life had meaning and so did your death. You have 11 beautiful grandchildren and your son is literally married to an angel. You knew that though.

You set a foundation for us despite what we went through. You taught us lessons from the grave. We’re afffectionate and loving because of you. Your life and death taught us to be humble, never taking things for granted. Your seeds have been planted. Hopefully you’re enjoying view of watching us bloom.

Happy 64th Birthday beautiful. Continue to Rest in Paradise ❤️🙏🏾