Just a Bit Off

We talk a lot about mental health,

about what to do when we feel down, or unable to handle it.

We tell ourselves to “reach out” to “ask for help”,

But not one person in this world means that.

Not even me, as I am guilty of self-service.

So here. I will demonstrate those things we tell ourselves.

Listen to what I am saying.

I feel a bit off. When I say off, what I mean is that I feel

depressed, or anxious, or manic, or energetic,

or exhausted, or enthusiastic, usually all at once.

Today I feel off. By off I mean I feel depressed.

When I say depressed what I mean is there’s a wave of clouds,

Heavier than an ocean of cement trucks pressing down on top of me,

Expunging my soul of all happiness or joy or enthusiasm or gratification.

It really is difficult to describe though, this state of existence called depressed.

Today I feel off. By off, what I mean is that I feel manic.

I am filled with energy. Filled with happiness.

I smiled at the sun as I greeted the day,

I went on a spree of cleaning, organization, and accomplishment.

This feeling though, it didn’t last. The energy, the drive…it fades.

Today I feel off. By off I mean torn between two emotional states,

Like a steak between two wolves. Complete, polar, opposites.

I feel ready to greet the day, ready to be productive, ready to embody a fuck yeah attitude.

Yet I feel depleted. Nothing is enjoyable. I accomplish tasks, one after another,

only to have my soul scream from boredom, or suffocation.