It’s time

It’s 4:16 on the 22nd and I keep hoping and praying it was a bad dream.

That maybe I’m stuck in a time loop where I continue a life without you

And then it registers

You aren’t here and everything that is being done is without you physically. I know that death is inevitable

But I thought you of all people could cheat it beat its best soldiers that were formed against you.

But this battle was lost a year ago tomorrow and I think one thing.

The battle was lost but not the war.

The war that binds and shackles many others down to this sunken place of darkness that is hard to escape

This land this Province of pain that many know too familiar this burial site

Which is to be a place of rest

Which is to be a place of peace

A place of communion to allow others to feel

To mourn

It only has memories that plague my mind each time on repeat as to what could have been changed

What could have been cured sooner

What ifs

Become the delusion I lived in for far too long.

The war has not yet been tackled and I know that in order to

I need to sharpen my tools

Find new armor

And attack the belly of the beast known to man as Cancer

But to others as the internal time bomb that took away what was once a joyous person to a slowly decaying corpse that wishes to be freed of the physical bound they have on earth.

It’s time

Time to allow the pain to be pain

Time to move forward more with greater strides then timid steps

Time to forgive myself and stop blaming myself for your death

It’s time for me to say thank you

It’s time for just a moment to give you thank you and to cry that you gave me a life many wish and hope for.

It’s time.

it’s time