Irony Of Individualism

I disconnected from everyone

even friends I held dear

It was a strange time in my life

but my safety was priority

when motives were unclear

*

An old friend

resurfaced into my life

when I needed an

authentic connection

*

He helped remove me

from a situation similar

to the reason why

I disconnected

*

He supported me through it

and helped me breathe

through the mountains

I enjoyed his tender heart

and meaningful conversation

*

I apologized

for falling off the map

but he said

he never took it personally

because he knew that

I was going through a lot

and he gets it

*

He shared he recently

had to do the same thing

but with others

we once called

friends

*

He said it was hard

to connect with them

That they were inconsiderate

of his time and feelings

Which made him miss me more

because we always had

good conversations

He always felt heard,

cared for, and respected

*

He told me the story of why

and I listened

*

He got into character

Switching between

his own voice and

the vocal fry

and baby talk

voice boxes of

our once friends

*

"Your voice impressions are on point."

*

"She talks like a baby."

"I think it's a developmental thing

but that's another story."

*

"Well some people never grow up."

*

"That's so true."

"I mean in comparison she has a baby voice

and you have a grown-ass woman voice."

*

A laugh broke through my smirk,

"Somewhere between ghetto girl

and grown-ass woman.”

“I am both."

*

I blamed the dichotomy in my life

Growing up in the ghetto

but going to private school

Growing up a Buddhist

in a Catholic family

Growing up a criminal

then walking

the straight and narrow

Growing up in Palmdale

then moving to Santa Barbara

*

"But that's what I like about talking to you.”

“You have had more than one life experience,

and can look at life in different perspectives.”

“That's hard to find."

*

"I think that's why I like talking to you too."

"Most people get stuck in their own bubble of life,

and can't think for themselves beyond

what they've always known or been told.”

“That's when dogmatism and hatred of 'the other' sets in,

and you can't have an authentic conversation

based in understanding with that."

*

His eyes lit up

with deep understanding

"Groupthink!”

“I have seen how it has affected

myself and others in my life too…."

*

He told me how that's shown up in his life

Being a part of social justice groups

that ended up making feel a hatred

towards all white people

instead of using the fueled anger

to take action against the system of oppression

Being a part of groups

that made him feel accepted

but only if he thought

and acted a certain way

*

How it all made him feel

accepted in the group

and alienated from himself

at the same time

*

I told him how I've seen it throughout my life

How I've lived it in my own experiences

and how I transcended it through

individuating myself from others

*

"Ironically

most people in individualistic societies are not individuated,

while those in communal societies

often have right of passage ceremonies

that are crucial for individuating."

"They celebrate you for who you are

as an individual in the community,

instead of our society that forces you

to adapt who you are to fit the community."

*

We spoke about the dangers

of groupthink

and the longing to belong

that makes it so dangerous

when you never were

encouraged to know, love,

and develop who YOU ARE

*

Individuation is key

to thinking for yourself

and allowing yourself

to be a part of the group

as a whole human

instead of becoming

a cog in the machine of the group

*

That way you can be celebrated

for all aspects of who you are

with your classy, grown, ghetto ass