Infomercials and Linda

"My future wife across the room

Engrossed with Popeil about to bloom

Pitching Pocket Fishermen to any who listened

She laughed and looked at me with her brown eye glisten

She hooked me then like a beautiful vision"

"Growing up in the Golden Age of television

In that glowing bright box, the world she could envision

Schooled by Ozzie and Harriet or Father Knows Best

“What a lovely dress, Mrs. Cleaver” rang true

Eddie Haskell, Ricky Nelson and Paladin, her heroes knew"

"Sitting in the TV lounge at the library back then

Watching television and commercials after studies at ten

Intrigued by the notion that eggs could be scrambled

Inside-the-egg according to Ron as he gambled

Noticing me only after she’d written down the call-in"

"I offered to get coffee but she wanted to know

“Did you see the Jack LaLanne Juicer?”

I have one near and would gladly make a mix

We’ll drink to our health and get vitamins too

Following instructions straight from Jack’s pitch"

"Jerky snacks and banana chips for you

Made to perfection in my Food Dehydrator

Her eyes lit up at the thought

“You like infomercials too?”

Oh yes, where else can you find exactly what you need"

“But wait! There’s more!” she said with a laugh

I’ll bring my Ginsu knives so we can eat

Making short work of tin cans, tomatoes and meat

Easy to do and stays ever sharp

These knives belong in your kitchen, they do!"

"Years spent together, adventures on the small screen

Having time to explore the wonders of Billy Mays’ sheen

OxiClean making everything bright as can be

Skin care from Proactiv, workouts with Bowflex

Sweating to the Oldies with Richard and his team"

"Both kids in their Snuggies one red and one blue

Even the dogs had Snuggies too few

We saw life evolve to better places to be

The George Forman grilling dinner without all that fat

Slap Chopping veggies as quick as all that"

"Christie and Chuck with that Total Gym

Promised to crunch my abs and make me look thin

Shake Weights in tow, how could I miss

That Homemade Pasta Maker did the trick

Ron got me with that one and now I’m thick"

"The Micro Touch trimmer as seen on TV

Now we have one made just for you and me

She said “Open it and test it please”

I did and said, “The hair on my knuckles is free”

I can still hear her laugh, laughing loudly with glee"

"Whole channels devoted to home shopping all day and all night

The infomercials she loved became almost a fright

Too much and too many with pitches all day

She had to change channels and not overstay

Only once in a while would the infomercial spark return that way"

"And yet I know she would want me to watch

Inventory of gadgets and things I need

For me to remember and enjoy as I can

Spinning the pitches from memory

Billy Mays… “Life’s a pitch and then you buy.” "

"I see her now as I saw her then

Enchanted by the lure of Popeil with a smile

Loving every detail speaking to her needs

Then last year when my love passed away

The Clapper turned out the lights before her New Day"