(Im)permanence

I walk around this neighborhood

And wave at people who know my

Face but don't know my name,

(which is fine) but someday I have to

Leave it all behind, despite how well

I love that tree, those flowers, that

Birdhouse…because this is no longer

My home, and I guess it never was.

I suppose I should embrace impermanence,

But just once it would be nice

To find something I can

Depend on.

***

I know I don't own the ground

I exist upon, these four walls contain

My things, but not my meaning.

I'd planned to stay for the rest of my days

And I know things change (in fact,

none of my plans have played out

so far) but I'm so far from where I

Thought I'd be. I realize it's folly

To think I can predict the future–

no one can–but was a time I at least

Had some outline of where I was going.

Now that I'm unmoored, who knows where

The wind may carry me.

To some that may sound exciting, but oh...

I see my dreams, my goals, floating away,

I'm lost at sea.

***

I see these houses that seem

So cozy, so charming, with yards

Just so, and I know I won't

Be able to afford anything like them

Anytime soon. All my knowledge

Of plants and blooms and companions

Left dormant, put to bed,

A garden in winter, cold and

Close to dead.

I'll find a way back.

But oh, dear God in heaven, how

I am so tired of beginning again.