I Was Not A Rotten Piece Of Fruit

I was not a piece of

rotten fruit

that was meant to be

thrown in the trash.

I was only a tiny seed that

needed time for her to

be reproduced.

I'm a living thing,

not a mechanical robot.

I was made to trip and fall,

not to remember

computer codes

off by heart.

Flowers need time to shine

and become breathing figures.

Robots are fast as

race cars that

don't need constant care.

I was not a piece

of rotten fruit

that was meant to be

stepped on and squashed.

I was just

a dwarf flower that

took time for her to

bloom, breathe, smile and shine.

When I was younger, I struggled with emotional regulation, understanding social norms and developed differently than the average kid my age. I repeated junior kindergarten twice, because of my learning difficulties that required me to be around younger children. In the 3rd grade, I would still be completing assignments that were suitable for a senior kindergarten or 1st grade student, because of my challenges with reading comprehension, numeracy, and my ability to perform academically was fairly compromised. I required one-on-one educational support in a regular classroom and didn’t spend the entire school day in a regular classroom.

When I was a pre-teen, I did not always handle things maturely. I would still have temper tantrums, throw things, bang my head, whine, pout and would depend on my parents for everything. Kids around that age wouldn't typically conduct themselves in the way I did as a pre-teen. My emotional stability was equivalent to a young child, as opposed to a pre-teen. Although Autism doesn't excuse this type of behaviour, it definitely explained why I developed slower than the average child my age. I experienced anxiety bouts and my emotional neediness increased as my mental health deteriorated over time. Anxiety made it harder for me to function at an age-appropriate level. Even though my emotional intelligence was low, I was independent in other ways; I started walking to the park on my own, I would go to stores and buy things on my own, go for bike rides without adult supervision, started hanging out with friends without having a parent/guardian present at all times and my academic performance began to improve. My reading comprehension levels got higher and higher.

At the age of 15, behaviours like head-banging, whining and throwing things gradually diminished. I still had temper tantrums, raised my voice, swore and had trouble solving my problems independently. I always had to depend on my parents for excessive emotional support. I had the tools to deal with them, but my ability to help myself was compromised. However, I slowly began to mature in certain areas of my life; I began to take public transit on my own, my academic performance was much better, I would take longer walks on my own and I started preparing my own meals and snacks (I was still not allowed to use the oven or stove due to safety concerns). I was able to visit the library without adult supervision and was allowed to visit the mall on my own. I started getting honour rolls and awards for different classes.

When I was 16 and 17, I no longer needed to rely on a nanny for additional emotional support and to take me on longer bus trips to various places in the community. I was able to stay home alone for longer periods of time and I've already mastered my public transportation skills. I no longer banged my head, whined or pouted when I was angry, sad, upset and frustrated.

I didn't fully mature until I was an adult. I experienced some challenges when I was 17, 18, 19 and 20, because I wasn't mentally, psychologically and emotionally strong enough to manage my emotions properly. My mental health deteriorated greatly after a good friend passed away and I endured more bullying. My journey to health, maturity and advanced independence began at twenty-one and I'm continuing to learn, grow and live along the way. I'm proud of myself and I've come along way to become the person I am today.

I wrote this poem, because I wanted to explain some of my Autism-related challenges and get people to understand that living with Autism and other developmental challenges doesn't make someone "stupid", "worthless" and "incapable". It simply means that people mature at different times and that it is not a horrible thing. In general, life is challenging. Our brains function differently and that is not something to be ashamed of. Just because we don't function at the appropriate levels at the appropriate times, that doesn't mean we don't have a chance to mature and learn from our mistakes later on in life. All it means is that, it will take us time to develop the skills we need to live autonomously, meaningfully, healthfully and fruitfully.

Here are some of my affirmations that I'm willing to share with all of you:

It is okay to be different. It is okay to function differently. It is okay to be your own individual. It is okay to learn differently from others. We are human beings and we need to appreciate that we are different. No one is the same and no one will ever be the same.

I hope you enjoyed my poem/story and became inspired by it. I definitely had a good time writing this and I also hope that I'll make a difference in someone else's life with my writing, as that is one of my main purposes for writing "Autism and disability related" Vocal stories and poems. If you enjoyed reading this poem/story, like it, share it and send me a tip if you can. You can also view my public profile for more of my stories and poems to read and share! Thank you very much for your support and have a great week!