I Want To Love You

Habits are hard to make,

But trust me, habits are even harder to break,

I’ve been alone for a very long time,

Tormented over my greatest mistake.

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I’ve been convinced life is better this way,

And two decades have since flown past,

I’m stronger, happier and less lonely on my own,

I’ve become the ultimate successful outcast.

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Helps that I’m an introvert,

Fiercely protective of my time and space,

I overwhelm quite easily,

Needing to recharge alone some place.

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Does that make me crazy,

Maybe a little insane,

Difficult to understand,

Being with people is an emotional drain.

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It’s not about you,

It was never about that,

I’ll take the blame,

Yes maybe its me that’s a brat.

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I try to meet people half way,

I understand that I’m difficult to figure out,

Independent and terribly stubborn,

But I’m made up of more than my anxiety and doubt.

***

I want to love you,

But I’m a little bit broken,

I’m a hot mess, I’ll admit,

And not a truer word is spoken.

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My heart is raw, bloodied to a pulp,

I’m not sure it even works anymore,

It’s hesitant to take a risk,

As it’s been beaten and shattered before.

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My days of being a part of a pair,

Are long gone, that boat has set sail,

Life is more peaceful when there’s only one,

Less stressful and unlikely to fail.

***

So forgive me,

If this habit is instilled through and through,

But I’m still a little bit broken,

No matter how much I want to love you.

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Originally posted on Medium