I Remember

I remember the first time i broke a bone

I remember it was the day before mother's day

I remember missing our flight because i was at the hospital.

I remember the last time i saw my cousin

I remember i told him i was a hacker

I don't know why but he looks up to them, i wanted him to look up to me.

I remember when my neighbor tried to drown me

I've always wished i would forget that, but i guess my mind doesn't want to.

I remember the last time i tried to kill myself

I remember telling my best friend

I remember her crying in the bathroom stalls.

I thought i had forgotten the last time i saw my sister smile

but

I remember that it was new years and she wanted my dad to smile

so i guess i don't actually remember her smiling for real.

I remember leaving Venezuela

I remember leaving my key hidden in the bushes for when I go back

I don't remember the last time I went back.

I remember smoking in the bathroom of my art camp

I remember crying, knowing I will never return to that art camp

I remember all my friends going back.

I remember my first panic attack

I remember using my inhaler

I remember it not working.

I wish i didn't remember the last time i had a panic attack;

i wish i never suffered from panic attacks.

I remember the first one

I remember how good it felt thinking it was going to be my last

I remember it not.

I remember getting my first credit card

I remember how big i felt when my dad told me he trusted me

I remember breaking his trust.

I remember eating pop tarts next to a bonfire

I remember swimming in a 12° lake.

I remember getting my braces

I remember breaking them just so i could see the cute receptionist every week

I remember my dad telling me we couldn't afford to do that

I remember getting them removed.

I remember failing my first driver's test

I remember going to my best friends house and crying because it was the first test I ever failed

I remember acing the second one.

I remember my first kiss

My first heartbreak

and i hope i will remember my first love.

I can't remember people's faces

but i know i can't forget their voice

I remember the day I forgot my own voice.

i remember getting it back.

i remember feeling that Victoria wasn't my name

neither was vicky, vic nor vico

those names don't have faces

they don't even have a voice.

i remember finding my name

oh, wait,

i don't.