I No Longer Want to Eat

I no longer want to eat.

Too tired,

stay in bed,

back to sleep,

those pangs will go away.

———Я———

Duluth, Minnesota

1970s family vacation

I want to say Captain Jack’s

no longer there.

Maybe it was something Admiral’s.

It was nautical.

Pay once for all you can eat,

salad bar

order an entrée

finish it

order another.

Preteen

ate seven in one seating,

chicken,

steak,

ham,

frog legs,

both fried & steamed,

crab,

clams,

nicely sated.

Wonder how many thousands

of calories.

———Я———

Now trying to find enough

to fill fifteen hundred

over the course

of an entire day.

Don’t want to,

but ought to.

Rather stay in bed.

———Я———

Lost over thirty pounds,

only eighty-nine to go

before optimal.

Don’t want anything to eat

but know I must.

Just another Mahatma Ghandi

this one without a cause

waiting for something

to end it all.

———Я———

Sleep,

go to sleep

& let the world drift away

into pleasant slumber

& troubled dreams.

not wanting to eat

———Я———

So why

am I always hungry?

———Я———

These are but the simple ruminations of a recently diagnosed diabetic. Yet as I write them, they seem to be telling me something more, more than blood glucose levels, more than having a restricted diet. Something about me, about the world, though I'm not quite sure what.