I Emulate You

I emulate you

I adore you

Or so I think I do

At four I was clay

I molded to be like you

.

Was it adoration?

Or was it out of fear?

Did I really love your company?

Or did I despise the cracks on my face?

I cannot remember

.

Now looking at the broken mirror

My four year old face

I still hear screams of them

My face a hole from cracks

Nerves numb from early years

Physical issues ensue

.

In my teen years

Dried skin

Sweatshirts in the summer

Concealer and prime a must

Their hands reached out

Yet I retracted mine

Fairy tale ensue in my head

Trips back to my room

First glance organized, pearly white, ideal

But the corners are a dusty, obsidian black

.

I looked at the dulled mirror again

My irises shrunken to a minimum

Hands and feet are constantly moving

Dehydration is a common feeling

My heart rate slowed and unstable

Gastro-acid barely kept at bay

.

I emulated you

From your unwanted temper

To your minor anxious symptoms

Your childhood

Your teen years

Soon your adult years and beyond

.

I am a perfect copy of a failure