My chest tightens as these feelings of uncertainty grow.
Anxiety coursing through my veins.
Was this a mistake? Is it too late to change my mind?
I've heard the saying be careful what you wish for many times before,
And I think I finally understand why.
I've wanted this for so long, but something doesn't feel right.
I don't sleep, I can't sleep.
My mind is constantly thinking and overthinking all these different scenarios, where I end up hurting again.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling, but I know it's not this.
I'm beginning to think I'm a masochist, and I know it's sick.
It's twisted, but I can't seem to help myself but to be drawn to the things that are the worst for me.
I keep going right back to the same things that I need to walk away from.
But I can't, or maybe I don't want to.
I'm an addict for my own pain.
I think that's worse then the drugs that I've used to numb it all out.
Drugs can be taken away from you.
But, how do you remove feelings from inside of you?
Feelings that are always there, gnawing at your insides By.
Growing from the darkest corners of your mind.
I wallow in these thoughts and these feelings, and all they do is hurt me.
And somehow, in some sick way, I'd rather be here than anywhere else.
Am I fucked up or what?