'I'd Rather Keep The Bullet This Time'

You pulled the trigger on us,

this so-called us,

2 days after our one-year anniversary.

A year of what I made the sad mistake of disguising absolute hell for pure heaven.

It was inevitable, the gun had been loaded,

round after round.

It was my mistake, assuming I would never have to feel completely alone again.

But oh did I have my hopes up,

knowing in the back of my mind they would eventually plummet,

and indeed they did.

I am realizing now, how much I loved a version of you.

A version that only appeared once in a blue moon, through appreciation, and once in a while equal effort.

A version that only truly appeared in the first few weeks of this so-called us.

A version of you that was my best friend 2 years ago.

So I will sit in my solitude and I will grieve a person who isn't dead, but dead to me.

Although, I would rather keep the bullet this time.

jenna