Do I even take the pills to feel better anymore?
Do they even work?
They level everything out but what about myself?
Where does she go when i’m regulated?
Does she know she’s just medication?
Lost to the numb sensation or is that just normality becoming present?
Whatever it is I don’t like it
I’m not funny anymore and that’s not like me
Can’t get excited anymore because nothing’s exciting
Forget to take them for a day or more
It’s actually enticing
Stop all together, I’m sure it’s not the right thing
But I feel like myself again
Mania settling in
The smart side of me knows this won’t last forever
The heart that’s beating doesn’t seem to care
It’s not fair that I can only feel whole for a period of time
Why is it ticking so fine when I’m stuck in this rollercoaster mind?
You’d think the pills would align me, not define me
I’m not crying but I feel depressions stream a coming
Will I drown the same as always?
Will my frown stay longer than these smiles?
All I know is medication makes me hollow and if I want to be me tomorrow i’ll need to learn to breathe under water
At least i’ll always be able to see the shallows in the distance
Air will always come back to me as long as I listen to myself
I don’t need the pills help.
I’d rather drown... than be someone else