I am sorry...

I just saw you, and my heart broke in seconds.

Not being able to talk to me, to say those sweet and lovely words:

"How are you? How is your family? When are you coming? I am okay..."

Not recognizing me—it felt so strong.

An unexpected storm hit me with stones.

I was unable to react, just a pain in my stomach.

Guilty for not being able to come and see you...

See you one more time and hear you tell me everything is going to be okay...

I would hold your hand and tell you not to let go, but...

Shadows are there, dragging you into eternal darkness.

Maybe I will come. I don’t know.

I am scared, terrified to see you.

Not sure if I can handle it.

I've never been good with pain—I just run away from it,

as much as I can, as far as I can.

Avoiding it seems easier.

Or maybe... I just don’t want to see you go.

Or remember you as you once were—strong, smiling...

I’m sorry.

I’m the kind of person who vanishes when things get tough and painful.

I’m sorry for not being there.