How to: be a man

The other day in class, I had a student ask:

“Sir, is it okay for men to cry?”

Being a guy I thought yesssssssss… my time to shine

I laid it all on the line and started with,

“Listen up, Year Nines. If a man cries the world calls him weak.

The future of boys everywhere is actually quite bleak.

What hope do they have in becoming a well-rounded man when crying is banned and their three emotions pre-programmed not allowed to expand passed anger, fear and doubt.

When the wall begins to break. And emotions seep out. My mums voice echoes in the back of my mind, “I’ll give you something to cry about.” So I’d lock them away, throw away the key. And Year Nines. That’s no way to be.

But I digress. Kids, the answer is yes.

Men can cry, I recommend it in fact!”

A gasp came from the boys in the front row

Taken aback

One slowly raises his hand and I select him to speak

“Sir,” he says “I don’t quite understand. If we can cry, what does it mean to be a man?”

I furrowed my brow, the cogs and gears furiously whirring. These ideas of what constitutes masculinity blurring in my mind until the train arrives at the station, the platform of my occupation forcing young minds into a state of contemplation. “To be completely honest, Dave, I don’t really know. What works for one can be another’s no-go-zone.”

Twenty-seven pairs of eyes glaring at me unsatisfied with my response.

I continued

“I can tell you what I do know however, and perhaps this is even better.”

They leaned in as if preparing to hear a secret.

“A man doesn’t scoff at people who offer him help

A man doesn’t use violence in place of words or affection, discriminate against those worse or see race and gender as an infection.

A man doesn’t lie to the people he loves, or justify atrocities through the gospel of some faceless, absent father above.

A man doesn’t cringe when faced with adversity.

A man doesn’t put himself first and he doesn’t allow his anger to burst because alcohol is the only way he’s been taught to quench his thirst.”

“But,” I stopped to catch my breath. Let out a sigh. “There is one thing a man can definitely do, and no word of a lie, believe when I say it’s okay for a grown man to cry.”