How could I have told her?

How could I have told her,

That her touch made me tremble and shiver

That my mouth went dry when I was alone with her

And my mind jumbled when it came to say anything

That my womanhood responded to the sight of her

That even though I fell in love with him as the months went by,

It was her lips which first had made me feel any kind of longing,

And that even though I was jealous of our mutual friend's breasts

(because, seriously, who wouldn't be?)

It was her body I wanted in my arms?

But no, I didn't tell her.

And we moved on,

I left the country and carried on.

~*~

How could I have told her

That the way she danced with me that night was something I had desired long enough

But that our friends made me falter and withdraw,

Perhaps her I could have told - she was curious enough,

But perhaps it was just that...

I still enjoy her style,

And honestly, wish her all the best!

Perhaps I could have gone for it,

She seemed keen and so was I,

Yet it never seemed as real as before and afterwards,

But no, I didn't tell her,

Nor tried to at any time afterwards,

The years went on and we still say hi

(at least there's that).

~*~

How could I have told her,

Because I came from a country just as bigoted as hers,

That her lips were all I could think about after that first

(and second) fleeting kiss

That my hands felt uneasy by her side

Because I thought that maybe she wanted to reach out

To me as much as I wanted to reach out to her.

But I had been told that to love a woman was bad

Because it was wrong to love myself.

I didn't realise it until now.

How could I have told her

That my heart dropped to my belly when she got together with that handsome guy

(yes, I had also assessed him by then)

That my poem was all about her and that when I asked them both to read it for me for my film it was her eyes, her lips her hair that I had in mind to watch forever on the screen!

How could I have told her any of that?

So, no, I didn't have the guts to tell her,

She left the country, we just moved on,

At least the friendship, this time, carried on.