Homesickness

London

Born to a long night ‘neath star scattered skies

Framed by amber leaves and crescent moonshine;

I searched for belonging in spaces that felt

Overcrowded, among faces so different from mine.

Still, I called it home –

these grey skies and lush fields familiar enough for it to feel so.

But just as my heart felt that it forged a space

For itself in the crowd, it was whisked away

Riyadh

Finding itself between people who seemed

To be so alike, yet adverse, to me;

I rented my place in this new desert land

And settled myself upon shifting sand.

A decade I stayed in this Kingdom apart

From the world. This strangely hospitable mirage

whose incense and date palms I remember fondly

Are now just that – a fond memory.

Lahore

Uprooted from palm trees and Tudor rose shrubs

Life planted me next to fragrant gulab;

Cradled by nargis and kanwal ke phool*

It felt just a little too nice to be true

The City of Gardens was where I belonged –

At least for the summer, a whole 2 months long.

Monsoon quenched the heat, swept the flowers away

And with them, my welcome; I had overstayed.

Now, when I return, twist my key in the lock

Of an empty apartment, shed my coat, slowly walk

To the kitchen, make my own blend of tea

And here I had an epiphany –

While I tend to my cactus and lily and rose,

Pour into them love that they need to grow -

It dawns on me, so I smile, roll my eyes

At my naivete, and I realise:

What they all had in common, how hadn’t I known?

I make space for me; I’ve always been home.

*Gulab, nargis and kanwal ke phool are roses, narcissus and water lilies, respectively.

** Nargis and Kanwal are my maternal grandmother and mother’s names, respectively.