Home....

This Four-letter word,

With its H and its O.

And its M and its E.

I’m stuck as I wonder, what Home means to me

How do you have, so much power over me?

Put the H to the O, and the M, to the E

I toss it around, just testing it out.

I say it out loud, then I whisper it low,

So simple, yet foreign,

Only one syllable.

It has many meanings,

Many ways to be used.

Some take it for granted

Some, search all their lives.

For me it is personal,

pain rich in my soul.

A longing so deep,

with an endless black hole,

it sits deep inside me

where I should feel whole.

I sure was quite young,

When my search had begun

Seeking a home, in the mother I loved,

So desperate to feel, something whole in my soul.

My mother absconded in her endless cycle.

She left us behind, straight fucked with our psychol.

They then split us up, by those who had dads,

Me and my sister were left with our Gran.

Shit!

Here we go….,

I lost Home, again.

Blaming myself, for my moms’ rounds of Jack.

I embarked on a mission, to bring momma back.

No wisdom, no guidance, my choices were whack

I landed in prison, unintentional fact

This left me without, my home, once again.

Four years fly right by, and adulthood begins

Released from my cell, so I’m headed back home

Just to be told, that for me there’s no room

And in order to stay, a fee I must pay.

But this is unfair, there must be a way.

Left in the streets, in the middle of winter

Reactions to actions, that left me so bitter

Bitter and angry, with a new plan in motion

I’ll find me a home, somewhere out in Houston.

New city, still homeless, tired, and weary,

Now there’s a hurricane, Ike hits, with a fury

Stuck in a shelter, somewhere, in Kaleen.

Bummed a cig, off a guy, who don’t look 18

he is looking for fun, he’s high on some pills

with nothing to lose, I jump in on the thrill

oh, shit we fucked up, we can no longer stay

Out on our asses, there’s nothing to say

attempting to hitchhike, and making our way

our thumbs flying high, as we walk the highway

finally, we made it, he asks where I live

I tell him I'm alone, and he knows the look I give.

Now he’s in love, so, a relationship begins.

Few months down the line, a baby in the wind

Marriage around the corner, and prison closing in

Wedding was a shotgun mess, me pregnant with the Flu

Married by his damn P.O., I didn’t have a clue

I’m left to have this baby, he’s back in fucking jail

Another year, another cell, another baby wail

Our Marriage on a rocky road, this dude is back in jail

Now I tell my husband, that its time for me to bail

He doesn’t take it well, and I’m headed straight thru hell

Black and blue all over, hoping I get well

Laying up in ICU, they told me I was dead

Now I have a second chance to live this life instead

Little did I know, heartbreak strikes again

Both my babies taken, hidden treasure gems

my agony runs deep, it truly has no end

Homeless once again, I’m blowing with the wind

Desperate and alone my hope is running thin

I find my nerve and travel east, a long and lonely road

To start my life once more, as I change my postal code

Call it luck or call it fate,

But here I meet my mate.

Truly meant to love each other.

We fit together like bread and butter

We’re 10 years in, and share a daughter

Bonded strong and getting stronger

Deep within my soulmates chest,

Lies a place that I love best.

A place where I feel truly safe.

A warm and cozy comfy place

The most blissful place I’ve ever known.

This is where I really feel like I am truly home.