It has been a minute since that day.
The day I went to visit my parents randomly.
I didn't do that normally,
The relationship with my parents being, problematic.
~~~
It was a very on/off relationship.
When push came to shove,
Well, we knew when it was time to hit quit.
Or did we?
~~~
You called me a bitch
I called you a hypocrite.
We were both right.
~~~
Kidnapped was the word they used,
What a joke right?
I mean,
I was your fucking birth mother.
~~~
I never wanted to take your world
And flip it upside down...
Again.
But I couldn't help myself
But to try and bring you home
When her exact words were
"Oh, I'm not dealing with you right now."
CLICK.
~~~
I mean,
Who did she think she was?
I was your mother,
She was nothing more
Than your sperm doner's mother.
~~~
And you were only 15
And possibly pregnant,
Calling me for help.
~~~
But lest I forget,
I was the one
(Not the only one...)
But still,
I fucked you up.
~~~
I was molested by my dad from a (oh so young) age,
So all I knew from since I could remember,
Was that my core belief
Was that I was only worth something
If I was good to a man.
~~~
So men I brought,
Into my life,
Into my bed,
Into my home,
For you girls to watch on repeat.
~~~
And in order to do that
I had to be high out of my mind.
No soul left,
Just an empty shell.
~~~
Oh my God,
I'd become just like her.
I didn't realize it though,
Till you were out of my reach.
~~~
Too little
Too late
That's what they say...
~~~
They weren't wrong.
~~~
It's the holiday season,
The third Christmas I haven't seen you.
The first one sober.
Well soberish...
~~~
No hard drugs,
I usually don't drink either,
But this time of year,
Meaning,
The first year I'm off herion for Christmas,
Well,
I'm taking it harder than I expected.
~~~
So fireball
And honey crisp apple juice it is,
To chase you down.
~~~
No needles this year though,
No burning in the veins.
Just a sober me,
With regrets flooding me daily.
~~~
You're grandma won't answer my calls
Even though it was my choice to send you there,
Because I knew I was too sick for you.
I needed to get better.
~~~
And that promise I did keep.
But she broke her word.
You were supposed to be home by now.
But she has fully turned you guys against me.
~~~
I called your grandpa
To explain my position,
And in no fewer words he told me
Until you were adults
And able to make your own choice
I will have no part in your life,
Even though he could see my progress.
~~~
Too much damage done.
Oldest doesn't even want to see me.
Can I blame anyone but myself?
No, I can't.
~~~
It will just always kill me,
Knowing I was just a little too late.
Memories missed,
Moments forgotten.
About the Creator
Tressa Rose
On a serious self-discovering, soul-searching journey. Breaking myself out of a stagnant shell and reaching out for my dream of being a writer. Small steps but this is my start! Please help me by commenting your feedback, I'd be grateful!
Comments (2)
I'm so sorry all of this had happened. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
Hi-T ~ I 'Like' you and respect you ~ 'j'