Hi, I'm Erica.

Hi I’m Erica

This is my life….

I have Tricuspid Atresia. I was born without my tricuspid valve, along with most of my right ventricle missing.

Crazy right?

This comes with a handful of chronic issues, most I’d rather avoid for another day. It’s a long list. I’ve got scars most people haven’t even seen. I feel like Sally from Nightmare before christmas. All stitched together to make a rag doll, a new doll.

I’m scared to even fall, all it does is burden me. What does it want from me? Some days; a lot of days, I cannot stand my body and its scars.

What I’ve been through surgically and with all my other medical traumas have been overwhelmingly intense.Some days it doesn’t even make sense.

Everything I do, I may have to get clarity.

Some days it feels like I’m a charity.

I don’t want that, I do not choose that.

Wearing my oxygen, I see the staring. The looks of doubt, the looks of curiosity.

Why do people care?

And truthfully, I don't have to share.

Yes, I’m “ too young to be that sick”

Yes.

Yes I am. I’m too young.

I pray to my gods, my angels, and guides.

Truthfully some days, I pray to not have this life.

But I can only choose me. I’ll push through every failed needle stick.

Walk by the staring with my cares in the clouds.

Every surgery; hospital stay, new medication, new doctors.

I’m tired

I may not have much time left, so that time will be spent how I want to.

How I need to.

-ej

Written by me 4/18/21, finished and published 6/24/23