Today I am reminded, once again, that you are still a child. That temper is your overbearing father and though you no longer speak to him, he is still with you, always.
Today, I am reminded of the day I met your mother. How she was so visibly relieved (read: freed) to see me. The burden is no longer hers, to soothe the man in you: the one whom she had fought so hard to save, and then escape from. The one who raised you in his image, despite her best efforts. The one it is now my turn to tame, despite her warning eyes, because I trust her; just like I trust you, not to let him do the harm to me that he has wrought upon the ones that I'm still learning how to love.
Today, I feel myself become enraged at your fragility. You let your own discomfort loom like bedtime shadows overhead, while we pretend that demons are a figment of the mind. As if that makes them any less unsafe. As if that means they haven't found a sweeter meat to feed on since I let you herd them in like blood-soaked lambs with wolven claws.
Today, I feel myself well up with pity. Reaching out a cupped hand full of lukewarm milk, I shepherd them away from you so you can see yourself for what you are: without the strength of mind you once demanded of the man who represented what a man was meant to be. Finally forgiving him for all his flaws, (for they are human, after all), forgetting to demand more from yourself. The manger you have built to house you inner child has felt the blight of indignation break foundations still unset in stormy seas. I will tether myself to the mast of this, your upturned ship, for unlike you I grew up learning to breathe deeply underwater. Unlike you, I learned to swim in spite of fear of monsters, for I've known monsters tamer than the shadows of the mind. Mine are demons who do not need masks or wool to soften them, for they are what protects me from what's lurking in the pit.
Tomorrow, I will help you get to know them like I do, in the hopes that yours might follow them out of your father's shadow.
Today, I dance with wolves, while you dig holes.
About the Creator
J
I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil
I Was Blind to Your Lies
My heartaches are too heavy to carry with every step I take. It’s a dull pain that never goes away, a wound that will never completely heal. I think of you, of how you used to make me feel Of my feelings for you, of a broken heart that was real I remember our days, the night, the moments, our times together The laughs, the tears, the whispers, the dreams, the dare I remember the way you looked at me, the way you made me feel Like I was everything, the only thing that could be real It was all bullshit, a mirage, a mask you used to conceal The deceit, the lies, the shattered heart I could never seal You said you loved me, it was all just a game A game you played so well, that I could never claim I was blind, I was gullible, the only one I saw was me The only person my heart and mind could ever see You were all in my head, thoughts, and desires I was trapped in a heart fueled with fire I thought you were the one, the special one I sought But you were just a dream, a mirage, I had overly fought One day I woke up and found you gone No goodbye, no word, not even a song I was left with a broken heart, nothing more I could do but mourn I tried to move in, find someone new It was hard, almost impossible, after all I’d been through I was stuck, filled with the same pain The same pain that made my brain insane I thought of you, and all we went all through Both joy and sorrow, laughter, and cries too. It was all a lie, a mask you used to fool. The truth hurts, so I used to be excellent. You said you loved me. That was just a play. I was trivial; my emotions made prey. I was foolishly in love, hypnotized by my want. I lost my mind; I was in it; I couldn’t recant. I thought you were the one, but you weren’t. It was just a dream, a tale I thought I burnt. I’m still looking, still searching, continuing to find A love genuine, a love mien. It’s still hard, a journey defined. It is a journey of pain and heartache, that’s fine. It was a heartbreak journey, not settled.
By Owen Belena day ago in Poets
Comments (2)
As if that makes them any less unsafe! Indeed! But sometimes we know what we're fighting for and we engage willingly... sometimes, as this piece seems to indicate, we don't really know we are fighting. "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince us he doesn't exist." You have only one typo, heard for herd in that one paragraph. "I let you heard them in like blood-soaked lambs with wolven claws." I point it out because this is otherwise so perfect I feel it deserves a quick edit, and you have V+, so go for it! Unless this is a play on words? It could be. Well-wrought!
Whoaaaa, this was like so deep and intense! I loved it!