Healing is lonely

healing is lonely

no one talks about it enough

i could be sitting in a room filled w my friends and family and still feel misplaced

it’s a process only i can endure and it has to be accomplished alone

but alone doesn’t mean lonely, so why are those feelings constantly arising

healing from feeling lonely and in-turn feeling lonely is a complex thing

being lonely ensues not having a support system

- a support system is not what i’m lacking

i’m lacking the courage needed to endure such a process

- a process in which my life turns around and i experience feelings of stability that are so foreign

it’s fear that holds me back,

like that of a hopeless romantic who falls in love with the guy who holds the door open for her at a coffee shop

there’s the obvious fear of failing but it’s the fear of change that gets me

while i do not enjoy the feelings i am used to, they are what i knows best

they’re what i’m comfortable with

and i know at the end of my journey the feelings i was once used to will feel like a cousin rather than a parent

inevitably they will be experienced again, but my approach to these feelings will be drastically different

healing is a lonely process, it’s a necessity to those suffering from past pain

feelings of loneliness occur when my perception of myself and the life i live are dictated by those around me

known and unknown

it sounds crazy right, to need validation from those you don’t know and who won’t hold a place in your life - i can’t understand it and yet it’s me

healing is beautiful,

no one talks about it enough

that after weeks, months, or maybe years later, i’ll be able to look back and who i am in this very instance and love her enough to say goodbye

to not only be able to see the immense amount of progress made but to feel it, to know it.

healing is lonely, don’t get me wrong, but the beauty waiting on the other side must be my motivation