Growing Pains

I still see flashes of my childhood

In every pine-tree scented breeze;

Echoes of laughter

That perpetually haunt me.

We were once so connected,

A wide-eyed little girl

Sitting atop the broad shoulders

Of a jolly man who meant the world

To me, his first-born,

Innocent and naïve.

Thinking perfect was impenetrable,

Thinking he’d never leave.

We would hike the trails often,

Tasting white birch as we went.

Root beer-flavored slivers

Meant a day blissfully well spent.

But years turned your smile to creases

In eyes grown sunken in rage

And the father I once cherished

Tore my heart from my ribcage.

Our bond cannot be broken,

Family is forever it seems.

But our connection lies in tatters,

You are beyond recognition to me.

I love you,

I love you and I hate you.

I hurt for you always-

You’re my unhealing wound.

Mostly I just miss you

And the man you used to be

The good childhood memories

Are the most painful to me.