Grief on Hold

It was the day before going away when I got the news that my dear best friend had passed on.

Her cancer, spreading, her pain troubling, her life no more.

My grief was blown up, at that moment for I was on the way to see her, one more time, but I didn't know, I didn't realize, that she would be gone before I arrived.

My plan to see her before I went away was not to be.

Taken from us too soon at age 62.

The grief held in my heart during that day but I had to get busy, grief had to be put on hold, for we were going away and I had to pack, get ready for our early morning flight to Orlando, Florida.

The harsh reality of packing and being busy weighed on me, knowing I had this huge holiday of two weeks to go on.

I didn't know what to do, but I had to go for the sake of my son and his family; my two grandsons.

They'd been looking forward to this trip for so long; a whole year of waiting.

So, what could I do?

What do I do?

My mind was in turmoil.

I felt guilty for leaving my best friend's family.

I hated what I was about to do and

I couldn't let my grandsons down.

So, I did the only thing I could do.

I packed my suitcase and continued on,

not for me, but for my grandsons

who meant the world to me, who brought the happiness to travel to this magical kingdom where Mikey would come and give us smiles of joy to gain time of memories with those I love.

Sitting at the airport weighed on me still.

As I sat there waiting to go on a magical journey my feelings of grief took a backstep, pushed to the back of my mind, but still thinking of my friend's life, for the next two weeks.

I soldiered on, trying to enjoy my time at Disneyworld, the many places we saw and did,

the experience I had taken three times before with my best friend, the memories remembered come to life, my grief coming to the forefront not going away, but transcending to another world where I enjoyed my time with the little ones, who brought me back to life, helping me to smile, trying to move on, trying to enjoy everything that came my way.

Those two weeks were harsh but in a way, this place where of wonders had made it bearable

for the memories of my friend there with me were sacred and pure, helped me to live on, knowing that, when I got home she would never call or speak to me again.

I saw things that we saw together.

I did things that we did together.

Disneyworld Orlando was the place we had enjoyed.

The years of friendship, more like sisters, were not wasted but perfected.

Our friendship enjoyed, dearly, because we had done so many things together, enjoying each other's company on trips, seeing shows, and having days out.

Now, she was gone forever, and I was away on holiday but I felt, I couldn't enjoy it because, whenever I went away I would send her photos, to show her what I was up to

because,

we never lost touch, we didn't miss a day without speaking,

our lives were like sisters of the moon and stars, we were bound by laughter, shared dreams, and fervor.

In the tapestry of life, woven so tight, our souls entwined, 

in sorrow and delight.

Yet fate did intervene, parting our paths like a rift unseen and

as I wandered through Disney's enchanted halls, I felt her absence like phantom's walls.

Like sisters of the universe

in Disneyworld's embrace, where fantasies reign, I hid the tears, suppressed the pain,

for in a land of whimsical delight, I found solace away from sorrow's blight.

But oh, dear friend, in every laugh and song,

in every parade where memories throng, your absence echoed, a bittersweet refrain, as I danced with Mickey, masking my pain.

So, I postpone the grief, in the land of make-believe, where happiness weaves and sorrows deceive,

but know, dear friend, though miles apart, forever you reside, engraved in my heart.

In Disney's embrace where dreams take flight, I bid farewell to grief just for two weeks, for in the morning light reality will dawn and in your memory, my sorrow will be drawn.

The day I arrived home I went to bed and when I awoke, reality hit.

I could not call you or talk to you.

I could not tell you what I had done those past two weeks.

Life changed and moved on.

I couldn't stop it from happening

I couldn't stop time and save you.

Now, it will be your funeral next week

and I am dreading seeing your coffin;

of you laying there so serene, 

your spirit gone to the clouds, 

waiting there for me to arrive

That day will come 

when we will laugh together once more, 

having fun times  somewhere 

in the clouds.

***

The time we went on our first cruise together, a surprise present for her birthday from me:

The time we went to New York City together for her 50th birthday:

Also published on Medium.com