Grey

I rotted something in my brain

When I first tasted dopamine on my tongue.

I rotted the stoic parts of my blood,

Tore down the strong stone walls of my resolve

The first time I felt something fill my veins.

.

Emptiness had followed me around,

Swallowed me since I learned to toddle,

And then it was gone.

Fled from my system like a flock of migrating birds.

They died over the winter and never came back.

.

I am alone.

In this hunger,

In this thirst,

In this impossible desire to dip my hands into the stream of pleasure

And feel something.

.

I feel nothing, nothing, nothing

And then a wonderful spark of everything all at once.

Thirty seconds, two minutes, then five.

And then it is gone again,

Lost to the drowning tide of emptiness inside.

.

Take me away

To a place where my footsteps won't print in the snow

And the mud won't have a chance to suck my boots into the ether.

Take me away to a place where emotions are frequent

And this emptiness never had a chance to be born.