![](https://res.cloudinary.com/jerrick/image/upload/d_642250b563292b35f27461a7.png,f_jpg,fl_progressive,q_auto,w_1024/648fa0ab352ec7001dd36bd9.png)
Give me a reason why
I shouldn't blow up
My life again for
What I think of
As love.
Tell me it wasn't
All a dream, that week
That changed me
Fundamentally
(And keeps changing
and changing me).
I feel so lost,
Alone…
I read into
Every breath and
Silence,
I think you've grown
Bored of me
Because you didn't
Say anything for a few
Hours.
I'm probably blowing
Things out of proportion
(Like I ALWAYS do)
But I want so badly
For so many things.
I want to live with you,
I want to be a part
Of your family,
I want to see you
Every day,
Talk to you,
Know you better
Than I know
My own self,
But I know myself…
I would throw myself
Into you, lose the
Person I'm finally becoming
In favor of anything
You might want from me,
Ignore my own needs
And forget me entirely;
And when I come up for air,
See the damage I've done
I'll have to pick up the
Pieces and start over
Again from nothing.
I can't keep
Doing this to
Myself, attaching to
A person, falling madly
Into a place
Where I know no one
And nothing
And I end up alone
Again
And
Again
And
I
Am trying
To let go of old
Habits, to hold myself
Up first, trying
To be a person of
S u b s t a n c e
So maybe, just maybe
I can be someone
Worthwhile,
Not for someone else
But for me
Specifically…
but, oh God,
how
my
stupid
heart
wants.
About the Creator
Bex Jordan
She/They. Writer. Gardener. Cat-Lover. Nerd. Always looking up at the sky or down at the ground.
Profile photo by Román Anaya.
Instagram: @UmaSabirah
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Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Comments (3)
❤️
Such deep pain and injured hope; you have true skill in rendering it, if it's any consolation. Bravo.
So sad, yet so relatable. Beautiful in a melancholy way ❤️