First Attempt at a Dating Ad

Hi, I am Melody,

and I’ve come to remedy,

your loneliness,

a miserable malady, it is.

I’m not a bad lady,

I come from Haiti.

I am a ready, ripe age of eighty.

Daily, I drink lots of gray tea,

and it’s the kind of tea,

that makes me wheezy,

and breezy,

and rather hot and queasy,

and due to the danishes,

I eat non-stop from Denmark,

ever-growing, are my stretch marks.

Or, in other words,

as absurd,

as it sounds,

I’m packing some pounds.

I’ve become a bit weighty,

but overall, I’m great lady!

Okay… maybe, I’m a little lazy,

and my eyes are crossed and crazy,

and I’ve not bathed in days,

so my back,

and creases, and cracks,

they’re all growing lots of daisies.

But they make me feel pretty,

and not at all gritty,

like you’d expect.

What the heck,

Mr. Harmony,

will you try a date,

because I can hardly wait,

to show you all the windows,

that I can shatter,

and the eardrums I can scatter.

As a matter of fact,

I’ve sure got a knack,

with my lungs,

and singing voice so high,

to make a stone statue cry,

as I sing,

in the spring,

with a makeshift zucchini microphone,

Puccini’s “O mio babbino caro,”

with the world’s best bravado!