finding love

misunderstood

but looking just the way that I should

hair curled, underwire bra on

a smile but never too eager

just always

the way she wanted---

years past 

fell into a robotic-like rhythm

the color fading

cogs never quite fit, the ladybugs and butterflies

 no longer sparking confetti rainbows of excitement

no room for the airy dreamy girl

-

"get a man, do them right,

without that How will I ever say I did it right?"

Who are you? What are you doing?

I am giving you a plan --a simple to follow guide, 

I know the best thing for you to decide"

-

Her words fall 

landing hard

broken discernment

confusion interrupting the line.

-

you see, the rain, the pain

and the guilt

that followed after walking away

was dark.

-

lonely and filled with the murky grey of shame

maybe she was right...Is this love?

contort, twist and fit melt into

the perfect mold she's made for me?

-

and then

in the shop window I see her, heart skips and then inside something bursts

there is a reverbiration resounding

it's echos

shattering the walls I put up

fear that without them danger wins.

-

with her I am me, and she is she.

Seenheard and valued

inside too much color to hide.

together we find

This is love!

It bursts out, uncaged

unafraid.

-

proud of who I have become.

still becoming--

shy about how long it's taken and

the grief and exhaustion of attempted exile. 

Banishment never lasting

-

Diligent pivotal effort --

open my arms and let my colors show.

beautiful to embrace the me that felt unloved.